When people come to my house, they comment on what a beautiful place it is.
I also get a lot of compliments on how lovely my children are, and how organized I seem to be.
But, OMGarsh, woah, holy doodle, let me tell you it is frickin' HARD.
Yeah, I've got seven children. Pregnancy and childbirth seven times - big enough deal right there already, right?
And yes, I work from home for a living. I have to.
So so so so much to do.
So much to juggle each day.
One of my sons has some learning disabilities and I home school him. We do "relaxed" home schooling, so it's not the ultra-structured method enjoyed by some families who educate their children from home (like I did with my older kids till they were 5, 9, and 11), but still, there are challenges involved.
We have a picturesque location, with a view of rolling hills, trees, and a lake in the distance out our big living room windows. Horses surround us in non-snowy months (none of which are our own, for which I am grateful, having owned and boarded horses in the past and although I love them, they are more work and expense than I've got time and money to do right now.)
My house looks nice on the surface, with its curved wood walls - Gothic Arch style building - but oh the problems this place has.
Like, I cannot think of one door in this house that has nothing wrong with it.
Some of the closet doors have completely fallen off/apart.
The floors creak with every step you take, except for the basement, which has its own set of issues in its poorly insulated state.
The water softener is from 1971 and has given up functionality to the point that our toilets won't flush properly and we have to plunge the one on the top floor after each use. I found out today from a plumber that we're looking at roughly $800 for a new water softener, plus whatever he charges to install it, and possibly a replaced toilet or three.
I just got completely out of debt last month except for our mortgage. Now let's just fix those plumbing problems by throwing them on the line of credit.
The lawn tractor is broken. I wonder how much we'll have to put on the line of credit to get it back from the repair place. Meanwhile, the grass on our acre of land is causing me to wonder how many old cars are hiding underneath it.
Property taxes are due in a month. There's no way I'll have cash to pay for it, so that, too, will have to go on the line of credit and be paid off gradually.
Sometimes I want to go sit on the couch with all my kids around me and just cry.
I dearly wish I had a way to spend more time with them and still pay all the bills.
I'm working on writing a book, but with little to no time to squeeze it in, it's slow-going. It is my hope, like with any writer, that it may sell enough copies to help ease the financial burden I carry.
My husband's work is unpredictable, and he usually works nights. So, when he does have work, he's sleeping all day, and my shoes look and feel like those of a single mom, doing just about everything by myself.
I don't write this to say, "Feel sorry for me."
I write this to get some of it out of me.
I wish I had something to anticipate.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be overwhelmed forever.
Will the two youngest children ever be out of diapers?
Will my 7-year-old ever learn to read fluently despite his learning disabilities?
Social life? Ha haha hahaha! Right. What's that?
Thank God for Facebook, as messed up of a thing that it can be.
I've been through this before with my first three kids when they were little, waiting for them to be out of diapers and able to read, although in a whole different scenario. Although I did not have to work for a living, I lived under the rule of a man who expected everything and more from me, and if I didn't foresee his every desire, I paid for it with his wrath. The details about that will be brought forward in my book, so if you like my writing, keep checking here every so often and you might someday find that such a book will finally be completed.
Although life can be rough at times now, I take comfort in knowing that my most stressful day in freedom from abuse is far better than my best day under bondage ever was.
So, hey, how's your life? Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
To freedom!
If you like my writing, check out some other entries listed chronologically in the right hand column of this blog. Here are a few links:
I also get a lot of compliments on how lovely my children are, and how organized I seem to be.
But, OMGarsh, woah, holy doodle, let me tell you it is frickin' HARD.
Yeah, I've got seven children. Pregnancy and childbirth seven times - big enough deal right there already, right?
And yes, I work from home for a living. I have to.
So so so so much to do.
So much to juggle each day.
One of my sons has some learning disabilities and I home school him. We do "relaxed" home schooling, so it's not the ultra-structured method enjoyed by some families who educate their children from home (like I did with my older kids till they were 5, 9, and 11), but still, there are challenges involved.
We have a picturesque location, with a view of rolling hills, trees, and a lake in the distance out our big living room windows. Horses surround us in non-snowy months (none of which are our own, for which I am grateful, having owned and boarded horses in the past and although I love them, they are more work and expense than I've got time and money to do right now.)
My house looks nice on the surface, with its curved wood walls - Gothic Arch style building - but oh the problems this place has.
Like, I cannot think of one door in this house that has nothing wrong with it.
Some of the closet doors have completely fallen off/apart.
The floors creak with every step you take, except for the basement, which has its own set of issues in its poorly insulated state.
The water softener is from 1971 and has given up functionality to the point that our toilets won't flush properly and we have to plunge the one on the top floor after each use. I found out today from a plumber that we're looking at roughly $800 for a new water softener, plus whatever he charges to install it, and possibly a replaced toilet or three.
I just got completely out of debt last month except for our mortgage. Now let's just fix those plumbing problems by throwing them on the line of credit.
The lawn tractor is broken. I wonder how much we'll have to put on the line of credit to get it back from the repair place. Meanwhile, the grass on our acre of land is causing me to wonder how many old cars are hiding underneath it.
Property taxes are due in a month. There's no way I'll have cash to pay for it, so that, too, will have to go on the line of credit and be paid off gradually.
Sometimes I want to go sit on the couch with all my kids around me and just cry.
I dearly wish I had a way to spend more time with them and still pay all the bills.
I'm working on writing a book, but with little to no time to squeeze it in, it's slow-going. It is my hope, like with any writer, that it may sell enough copies to help ease the financial burden I carry.
My husband's work is unpredictable, and he usually works nights. So, when he does have work, he's sleeping all day, and my shoes look and feel like those of a single mom, doing just about everything by myself.
I don't write this to say, "Feel sorry for me."
I write this to get some of it out of me.
I wish I had something to anticipate.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be overwhelmed forever.
Will the two youngest children ever be out of diapers?
Will my 7-year-old ever learn to read fluently despite his learning disabilities?
Social life? Ha haha hahaha! Right. What's that?
Thank God for Facebook, as messed up of a thing that it can be.
I've been through this before with my first three kids when they were little, waiting for them to be out of diapers and able to read, although in a whole different scenario. Although I did not have to work for a living, I lived under the rule of a man who expected everything and more from me, and if I didn't foresee his every desire, I paid for it with his wrath. The details about that will be brought forward in my book, so if you like my writing, keep checking here every so often and you might someday find that such a book will finally be completed.
Although life can be rough at times now, I take comfort in knowing that my most stressful day in freedom from abuse is far better than my best day under bondage ever was.
So, hey, how's your life? Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
To freedom!
(Video: "You're Not Coming Home Tonight" by First Aid Kit)
If you like my writing, check out some other entries listed chronologically in the right hand column of this blog. Here are a few links:
- Why I Escaped and From What Did I Escape (the long story)
- Giving Birth Alone, By Choice
- Daughter's Journey From Addiction To Freedom
- Foiling Your Own Kid's Shoplifting Attempt
- Wearing Masks In Walmart
- Why Does Sh*t Happen To Me? Ohh, I Get It!
