Life, Love, Long Hair, Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth, and other mysteries

All this and more, from a semi-Serbian, slightly sane, former editor for physicians and surgeons, who is the mother of seven kids.


Saturday 17 September 2011

Pickup Idea For Single Men

Today while I was minding my own bidness in the grocery store (yes, I said bidness), I was approached by a gentleman probably a few years older than me.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Huh?" I look up, shocked that someone who didn't know my name was talking to me.

He directed me back an aisle with his hand pointing at the cake mixes. As I followed, he said, "Do you know anything about cake mixes?"

"Well, a little..." What, because I'm female, I'm supposed to know about cake mixes?

"I'm trying to find a chocolate cake mix," he explains, "but they're all devil's food cake."

I'm starting to smile and holding back a laugh at the thought that comes to mind, complete with Louisiana bayou accent of Mama in the movie Waterboy, but instead I dryly say, "Well, actually, I think chocolate cake IS the devil's food," and I emphasize it with silence at the end.

He thinks about it for a few seconds and then laughs, saying, "Yes, I guess you are right."

I add, to be polite, "If you look at the generic brands, you might find some that just call it 'chocolate cake', but the ones that say 'devil's food cake' really are the same as chocolate cake."

He thanked me and I went on my way.

That whole episode would be a good pickup line for a guy. It would also serve the dual purpose of finding out a little about a woman's kitchen prowess, giving a little foreshadowing of how much cooking he'd end up having to do if he roped in this particular girl. Isn't that what the whole dating game is about? Finding someone to do yer cookin' and yer laundry fer ya?

If I was single and interested, I'd have said something like, "Well, therein lies your problem. You need a good woman who knows how to bake a proper cake. Here's my number. Call if you need any help. Farewell."

Then the ball is in his court, no questions asked, nothing lost on anyone's part.

There's your woman-hunting suggestion. Try it and let me know how it goes.

Wednesday 7 September 2011

Quote on social justice by John Rawls

"The only thing that permits us to acquiesce in an erroneous theory is the lack of a better one; analogously, an injustice is tolerable only when it is necessary to avoid an even greater injustice"

That is all. Think on it.

Thursday 1 September 2011

Short version of my long story

"Love to me encompasses being friends, lovers, companions .... being equal in one another's eyes ... it is showing respect and being respected." -Tahwandaaa



I started over with nothing in January 2004 and now, seven years later, I have so amazingly much, I never dreamed it was possible back then.

I had feared the unknown, and that was one big reason it was hard to leave, even though I so badly hated living with the abuser.

There I was with four children under the age of 11, pregnant with baby number five - from the new man in my life who I was dying to be with permanently, but was having a hard time safely escaping from the abusive ex - and having not had a paying job in 13 years.

I stayed in a women's shelter for my first month. Then I rented a three-bedroom top floor of a house.

Within a few months, I entered university for the first time in my life, studying psychology, with financial aid to pay for it.

I soon had to give up my educational goals for the reality of bringing in a quicker paycheque, so I decided to pursue another interest of mine -- medical terminology -- and took an online medical transcription course from home.

Oh, but how did I afford a computer in the first place to take that course?

Credit card - one of many I was to use and max out over the next two years.

There were times I even put my rent on credit card with the credit cheques they provided for me.

And I sure didn't know how I'd ever pay off that ever-growing debt, but I had no choice as I had no income whatsoever, not even welfare, though I did try to get welfare.

But the welfare folks told me I was capable of going out to work and earn enough money to support myself and my kids so they wouldn't help me.

Rather than take a minimum wage job outside the home, I continued with my medical transcription course and went deeper into debt.

There were many times I had to get free bread from charity organizations, and utilize the services of the Food Bank for foods that were not our favorite choices but given the choice between that and nothing, we took that.

I figured it was more worth my time to push myself through the medical transcription course, though, as I knew that would eventually allow me to earn a decent wage AND work from home.

The average length of time taken to finish the MT course I took through Career Step is about nine months.  However, with all I had going on fighting the abusive ex, traveling every two weekends for five hours to get my older kids from him, etc, it took me seventeen months to complete the course.

But it was all worth it as I now make enough money to support my whole family - if you've read much on this blog, you might know that I have seven children - even during times when mine is the only income.

I live in a beautiful three-story house on an acre of land in a quiet, semi-rural neighbourhood, overlooking rolling hills where horses roam in summer and snowmobiles blaze in winter.

It took three years and ruined my credit but I finally paid off my credit card debts, with the help of a credit counseling society.

I look back and remember how difficult it was, and I thank God for getting me through to where I am now.

I'm not wealthy, but all my family's needs are met, plus a few luxuries, and, joy of joys, I am living abuse-free!

Through all this, I had the loving support of the non-abusive man who is now my husband, aka Sweet Man. Most of the time I was supporting him financially as well, as he has some disabilities that limit the work he can do, but now he, too, has a job he enjoys.

Warmly,


Here is the long version:  Why I Escaped And From What Did I Escape?


If you like my writing, an ever-growing pile of it is in other blog entries in the archives section, in the right hand column of this page.  Here are a few quick picks:


Thursday 18 August 2011

Hair Wasn't Easy To Grow


I'm still so grateful that my hair has finally decided to grow. For years it wouldn't grow, and had a big chunk in the back that was actually shrinking.

When I was 13, my hair was nearly half-way down my back.  Then I went to a hair salon and said, "I'd like a cut that suits my face, but I want to keep the length."

I've got another pic that shows the length better, but this one will do for now - me, age 13, pre-haircut.
They chopped it to my shoulders!

I was devastated.  :(

Throughout my teen years, in the 80s, I kept waiting for my hair to grow, but it kept looking terrible.  I got perms in hopes of making it look better, but that only hindered the growth by damaging it.

Me and my icky shoulder-length 80s hair, age 15.  I was so frickin self-conscious about it back then.

When I was 19, a friend of a friend needed a hair model on whom to practice, so I volunteered.  My hair was about half-way down my back at that point.  I showed him a picture of a style I liked as far as how the front and sides looked, but asked him to keep the length.

He hacked it to my shoulders!

Again, I was devastated.

The following year, the same stylist needed a hair model for hair extensions, and so I got what was then worth about $400 in extensions put into my hair for free.  I had waist-length hair for a few months, but the maintenance was a hassle, having to spray it with this horrible-smelling aerosol called Monosil.  I got them removed when the sun bleached my natural hair but failed to change the colour of the artificial locks.

Over the years, I tried all kinds of hair products, vitamins, and supplements.  Nothing helped.

I tried the "get your hair trimmed every eight weeks" line the beauty salon people tried to tell me.  That only made my hair shrink faster.

My last perm, 1998.


The one thing that seemed to make a difference was getting out of a very stressful situation - I left the abusive relationship I'd been in from age 18 to 36.

Sure, the years between age 13 and 18 didn't involve the abusive guy, but I was living an unhealthy life in those days, with plenty of cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol, so those surely didn't help my fussy hair any more than the perms did.

Here are some progress photos:


This was spring 2003. See the chunk missing on the right? I had gotten trims to make it all even and it kept shrinking up, breaking off, whatever. (The small picture on top is to show the proper colour of my hair). I think the growth problems were due to heavy stress I was under for many years.



February 2004, shortly after I left the abusive guy I was with for 18 years. I had gotten my hair cut at a beauty school. They took off way more than I wanted, but I was then starting with a clean slate of 17" hair.



Summer 2005 - me with my sweet man. My hair is finally growing!




A progress page I threw together a few years ago. On the bottom right, you can see how much they had to trim to get it somewhat even. The chunk broke off again over a few months. Was so frustrating!



And now, here's one from March 2011:

Just got highlights and long layers put in. My hair is 32" long, aiming to have more inches than years of life (I'm 44 here).  (Edited to say:  I need PhotoShop to edit that light circle off my jeans!)




(Showing the highlights I got in early March, 2011, with my hair up).


~Originally written in March 2011 on a long hair message board, by me.
__________________

Updated June 7, 2012 to add more recent photos:

January 2012





Curls done by one of my daughters with a clampless curling iron, May 2012
May 2012, age 45, with a few platinum streaks done in February

Thursday 11 August 2011

The NEED To Communicate

I can see me posting things in this blog that are short. Knowing me as I do, I am guessing I'm going to sometimes say things like this:


I NEED to communicate.

I'm addicted to writing and even more so to communication. I've kept journals most of my life. I've had pen-pals since childhood.

And for a communication addict, what an invention Facebook is, as frustrating as it can be with its quirks. I can post a thought on there and if someone takes the bait and gives me feedback, great! But if they don't, at least I got to put my thought somewhere other than in my own brain so that, if nothing else, at least it is there for ME to see.

To quote from one of my favorite songs, "Breathe (2 A.M.)", by Anna Nalick:

"If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to"

I keep all kinds of bits and pieces of my writing. Maybe someday I will be famous like Lucy Maude Montgomery, and then my journals and even scraps of my notes will be worth something to my children, and to my children's children, and so forth. (I think they'll be valuable to my descendents regardless of my degree of fame.)

I think of the Beatles, a fan of whom I've never been but they are famous so they are the example I will use. I think of how there are some old recordings of them from their pre-fame days, and how those are valuable even though not great. So there is hope for the things that I write now prior to renown. (OK, laugh with me!)

That's all I wanted to say about that. (This still falls under the category of Testing, Testing, 1-2-3, as I get used to this blog). Maybe I'll elaborate when I'm more awake.

Please comment to let me know someone is reading.

Holy Sheepdip!

I was faced with the necessity to name this blog. I wanted to call it, "Can I Change This Later?" but it wouldn't allow the question mark.

So I randomly chose "Holy-Sheepdip".

I have no reason to give in explanation other than that it is an expression I've occasionally said since my teen years.

Take it or leave it.

Maybe they WILL let me change it later.