Life, Love, Long Hair, Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth, and other mysteries

All this and more, from a semi-Serbian, slightly sane, former editor for physicians and surgeons, who is the mother of seven kids.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Sadness and Inability

Who do you talk to when you feel like you are going to cry, and the thing that triggered you doesn't make sense to even yourself?

I feel this is something in which I cannot be the only one.

Someone somewhere who is reading this must be able to relate and think, "Hey, yeah, really... I know what you are feeling."

I am sorry to not have an answer for them or for myself.

Sometimes it's just a word, or the way someone says that word, or the look on someone's face, or the weight of a whole world's worth of troubles.

I will restate that with a different twist:

Sometimes it is just a word, or the way it was said, or the look, which suddenly becomes the equivalent weight in emotional heaviness of a whole world's worth of troubles - the same feeling of inability to do anything about it, whether it be trying to fix one relatively small problem or trying to fix the entire broken planet.


Inability to change something that I want to change.

Inability to even understand what the root is.

Inability to put it into words.

And hence, the feeling of sadness.

Ironically, in such situations, the one who pulled the trigger is not the one who shot me, so I do not blame them - I merely feel the feelings of pain, relive the things that caused it, even when I cannot always picture the event that inflicted the original wound.

Do you know what I mean?

At all?

I deal with things that trigger me, and I deal with the fallout.

I ask myself questions.

I ask God.

One cannot always know in advance that their actions may cause pain in me.

I will seldom tell the trigger-puller that they have shot at me.

I bear it silently.

I wonder if it happens to others?

The pain will pass, but meanwhile, I try to understand it.

There must be a reason in it.

One more is coming to mind as fitting:

PS:  I welcome comments, either in the comment box or privately, even if they are to the effect of  "I don't get it".


  1. *hugs* been there. Don't know where or why, but was.

  2. Sorry for the mish-mash of a response. Who do you talk to? You answered that one - "God". I believe when these situations happen (and yes, they happen to me too), it's the Holy Spirit's way of bringing something to your attention, into the light. God is simply using the trigger-puller as part of the process so I'm glad you realize to not get mad at them. That's strong discernment girl! Life's hard. We've certainly had our struggles and somethings are just downright unfair. Some things have absolutely crushed our souls and we weep uncontrollably. But we're still here and we press on knowing that He is our rock. We're human and we're fragile and thank goodness we can lay it at the cross. You've endured a lot Christine and probably stayed strong and put on a brave front for a long long time.... the feelings have got to come out sometime... a "release" if you will.

  3. For too many years I experienced trigger after trigger in my family life, in my work and it debilitated me like a spiral on a downward slope. Thankfully I have fewer of these episodes and I'm not really sure why. It may be the therapeutic work of writing that has helped me to deal with the clutter inside. Fortunately, we have each other to share our stories and insights ... to grow ... to pray ... to heal

    1. Ah! I finally get a moment to reply to you, Vincenzo, and I realize HERE is where I'd recently read about how writing has been therapeutic to you, which I mentioned in my comment on your own blog this evening.

      Yes, we have each other. I deeply thank God for friends.

  4. another thought came to mind... we crave validation and there are many days when none is to be found... when our inbox is empty... our blog without any comments and we wonder what we did wrong to deserve this isolation... and we try to inscribe into this forum and that website only to experience more of the same insular tendencies ... on those days we need to find ways of soothing ourselves... visit our favorite blogs or sites and imagine this or that post as a personal message being sent to us... and there are days we don't feel like venturing anywhere, but just need to stay inside our thoughts and let our feelings speaks to us...

    1. Vincenzo, I just stumbled across this comment hiding in the inner workings of my blog, awaiting my approval. I'd not received a notification about it. Strange.

      Anyway, your insight and intuition here are, as always, excellent.


Talk to me - please.