Life, Love, Long Hair, Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth, and other mysteries

All this and more, from a semi-Serbian, slightly sane, former editor for physicians and surgeons, who is the mother of seven kids.

Saturday, 17 November 2012


I am in a state of emotional overwhelm.

I've fought all week against one thing after another trying to steal my joy, faking it in hopes of making it, but now I have finally gone under and feel I am drowning.

I know this is not my normal state and so I am hoping I will come back up gasping for air and find the sun shining fully enough to dry these tears within.

I feel like I want to talk to someone about it, but at the same time I hold back because...

Because why?

I don't know.

Well, I do know, but I don't want to explain.

I know there is nothing anyone can to do fix anything for me, and I don't expect that, but sometimes I wish I had someone to whom I could go who would care.

I am not so unique that the feelings I have just expressed are ones that nobody else has ever felt.

I feel un-understood.

Does anyone even read this drivel?


  1. who can you trust that is the ?.Some people borrow money . and use exuces not to pay it back some people just want sex and dont care who they hurt in the after math.Some want to take you soul and use it for there own gain and in the end start fight with you to get you out there lives or conspire with others to figger out how to do so .Or they just make things up in there own minds of how it is or could be .One wise lady told me you tell them stop it they go hau stop doing that they go hau with moving there fists like monkey you throw blood in ther face and it the same hau they dont have the intg to change the beasts of the feild have a better chance then them they wont change so just think to your self one less person you have to deal with now how may i be of service

    1. Alrighty then! I'm not too sure what half of that meant, but you seem convinced, so that's cool. (What does "hau" mean?)

    2. what i sould have said is huh
      people you tell them to stop fucking others around they go huh then you tell them to stop it they go huh stop hurting people for money they go huh you tell them stop hurting people in the mind they go huh you grab some blood and thow it in there face to wake them up they still say huh they dont have intelligance if i spelled it right of a beast it not even beast lololol if i am not correct you tell me the answer

    3. mabe i am missunderstanding what is going on in your brain

    4. I have a hard time deciphering what someone is trying to say when I don't see commas and periods. No offense. I'm trying to understand you.

  2. My apog i guess it just pure lazyness i like to rush things and try to get my point out just like you but i am not writer but more of an in person explainer.

  3. Aw Steeny. You're not alone. What you're describing is exactly how I've felt for the last two weeks. Emotionally run down, and like I can't tell people how or why I feel so awful. A feeling like the world is against you and like someone "Up There" is enjoying throwing thunderbolts to mess up my life. Its been one series of disasters after another.
    I'm one of those people who are really awful at telling people when I'm not feeling great. The question usually results in an "I'm fine, Thanks, yourself?" No matter how awful I'm feeling on the inside. The one person I could usually tell was away in New York. But last week, I cracked, phoned my mum crying, grumped to my classmates about (almost) all the things that were stressing me out and dragging me down. Can't say it helped as much as people make out, but at least my close friends knew WHY I was so down in the dumps, and its nice to know you have the support of some people.
    I swore off alcohol until the christmas dinner at work (I usually don't feel like drinking when I'm down anyway - seeing what alcohol-induced depression has done to people in my family means I recognise that its a bad idea to drink when feeling crap) I cooked a good meal for friends, and just tried to be sociable, even when I didn't feel like it.
    I do wonder whether its related to not having seen the sun since June. Its been cold and wet here, and that does nothing for my mood.
    I am starting to get out the other side now, I think. My friends operation went well, and she's recovering fine, the funeral for one of my other school friends was so beautiful and appropriate for him, and in less important things; the washing machine has been fixed, the fridge has been fixed, the shower has been fixed, I found the necklace I had lost, the university term is almost over, I spent the weekend out in the hills with some friends, and even though I've not turned on the heating in the house yet so that I can pay for my laptop to get fixed, at least I'm meant to get it back in the next couple of weeks.

    I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but things will get better.

    (PS. I read this "drivel". I'm a few days out, but that's because I've been too busy and stressed to go near my blog and forget to read those I've subscribed to. I know how it feels, though. I don't even know if anyone reads mine, but by the views, someone must be, and even if its just one person, I'll try to keep writing)

    1. Thank you for that beautiful writing, Tigereye. Yes, life has gotten better. Actually, it wasn't so much my situation as my feelings. Sometimes I feel so bipolar, but I don't think I really am. Tiredness makes a lot of diff, too.

      Thanks for reading my "drivel"! :)


Talk to me - please.