Overthinking

Ever been accused of "overthinking" something? It's usually not said in a nice way, either.

I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting to make sense of stuff, but if we don't have the necessary ingredients for providing answers, our minds can make up stories based on our own perceptions and experiences. I don't know, maybe not everyone is like this and they might be able to not care, but that's how it is for me.

I was talking with an old friend named Reza in 2011 about the topic of "overthinking". He said something that made so much sense, I saved it in a file. Here it is:

“Overthinking” is:  Not being properly informed, so you compensate with (often) negative assumptions based on insecurities that may be linked to the reason you’re missing information.

Overthinking is not: Thinking about something another person cannot be bothered to think about."

I don't consider myself to be insecure, but I know that insecurities can surface. Sometimes they are annoying, but other times they might be a cautionary tool purchased from a lesson learned.

The typical example is having burned your hand on a stove and then that caused you to be cautious around hot stoves henceforth.

The following is from an article I read about overthinking. I only wish the author had gotten me to proofread it before they published it, but other than that, it's got good information and I can relate to a lot of it. Still, I try not to let my problems affect others, and so I internalize and that probably makes it worse for me.

I did some copy-editing and share it right here:

Overthinking. It’s the nights you spend not sleeping as mistakes you’ve made in the past act as a plague to your mind. It’s worrying about things that might never happen as you dwell over the things that have.

It’s every fear you have that paralyzes you. And as you think more, you hold back tears.

It’s failure becoming your worst reality in your mind. Failing a class. Failing at a job. Failing in relationships.

People who overthink tend to strive for unrealistic expectations which lead to success.

But the cost is exhaustion maintaining it.

It’s being both physically and emotionally exhausted from a brain that never slows down or shuts off.

It’s the constant need for answers and responses just to keep your mind at bay and calm.

Overthinking is the voice of criticism that is trying to destroy you as it doubts everyone and everything around you. Then it makes you doubt yourself and second-guess everything. You often don't follow your first instinct when you overthink things. It’s following the destructive path down which your mind leads you and you can’t make it stop if you want.

Overthinking is like some fire you can’t control and it destroys everything in its path, including you.

It’s the critical voice that clings to mistakes only to bring them up later.

Overthinking feels like you’re constantly waiting for something but you don’t actually know what it is you’re waiting for.

Waiting for something to change.

Waiting for something to go wrong.

Waiting for someone to get mad.

Waiting for something to end dramatically and it is your fault.

Overthinking comes bearing apologies you didn’t need to say in the first place but you’re sorry for questioning and thinking the worst. It leads you to thinking every worst-case scenario will be a reality.

Overthinking leads you to be overly cautious with everything.

Overthinking is like tiptoeing around everything like there are shards of broken glass below your feet and any wrong move will lead to pain. It’s the fear of relationships because you need so much in a partner you wonder if you are better off alone.

Because how do you even explain to someone "It isn’t you I’m doubting or don’t trust. My mind is leading me to be so cautious"?

How do you explain to someone you’re interested in that you need to hear certain phrases over and over again like, “It’s okay” or “We are okay” or “I’m not leaving you”?

Overthinking in relationships is accepting you aren’t going to be the strong and confident one.

It’s needing that reassurance for every doubt.

It’s needing someone to be honest all the time and to explain things very thoroughly.

It’s the conversations that might be awkward but the person needs to be able to communicate. To tell you when something is wrong. To tell you when they are mad. To tell you exactly what they are thinking.

It’s the fights to which you want solutions immediately because if you don’t your mind will create ten more problems.

It’s listening to scenarios that are very real in your mind even though to another person it can be so "out there".

Overthinking is caring too much and no matter how much someone else’s opinion "shouldn’t" matter or that ignored text "shouldn’t" even impact you, under the surface, you are wondering "What have I done wrong? And what can I do to fix it?"

The root of overthinking is just wanting people to accept you and be happy with you because you are still learning how to be happy with yourself. It’s choosing words so carefully because you never want to intentionally hurt someone.

Overthinking is the relationships that end and you think it’s you that is to blame.

Overthinking is the solutions you want to find to fix something that isn’t even a problem.

Overthinking is the want and need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life controls you.

But you know you learn to adapt to that thing that hurts to live with but you don’t even remember what it was like to live without it.

And as you navigate through ramped-up thoughts, you’ll find comfort in others who love you through this flaw, as they learn to adapt to having someone like you as a part of their life, and they are the ones who help you through it, constantly reminding you they won’t leave. From this article: So Much More Than Anxiety

His Grace Is Sufficient - by Jennifer Knapp

I've exhausted every possible solution

I've tried every last game there is to play
In this search for the Christ-like perfection
I'm convinced I've only left my God ashamed

I cry I wonder can He hear my despair
Afraid to lift my hands afraid He doesn't care
And if He answers and I fall again
Can I still be his daughter can I still depend on him?

When I'm down I search every mistake
I'm looking for new regrets
Sometimes I forget, I forget
That His grace is sufficient for me
That it's deeper and wider than I can conceive
His Grace is sufficient for me

My convictions seem to fade with desperation
My hope declines with each and every tear
My sin, an anchor and this grace just an illusion
The gavel's heavy and justice is near

Up comes the light and finds the stains on my hands
Up comes my pride, I hide, I know He won't understand
Because it's deeper than deep and it's wider than wide
Why did I ever doubt? Now I'm dying inside

When I'm down, I search every mistake

I'm looking for new regrets

Sometimes I forget, I forget

That His grace is sufficient for me

That it's deeper and wider than I can conceive

His Grace is sufficient for me

♡