Internet Bullies and Youtube's Authority

Misogyny: "woman-hater," from Greek "misos", meaning "hatred", + Greek "gunê" for "woman" (think "gynecology")

Not that any kind of hateful treatment from one human to another is acceptable, but this blog entry demonstrates a type of hatred I'm shocked to see happening in the world. The absence of respectful manners toward a fellow human being, coupled with unveiled hatred for women from this person named Shane is remiscent of the way my ex husband treated me - hence his "ex" status.

Because even the vilest of sinners can have a change of heart, I have chosen to hide full names. Besides, I'm making fun of him, and he doesn't need to know it. My intent is not to hurt, but to point out in a slightly lighthearted manner a flaw in society: the absence of respectful communication. 

I believe we all should take charge of our words and tones in an attempt to improve the world by first improving ourselves.

As you read this, think about how YOU would respond, and let me know in the comment section or whichever other way you have of reaching me. I'm curious how others would deal with such a situation - whether it be addressing a woman who apparently is seeking help, or responding to someone who has just dissed her.

Getting to the point, here is a screenshot of a question that was posted in a Dodge Ram trucks group on Facebook:

Elmira received a lot of mature, helpful replies. Most of the humans who responded had some understanding that not everyone knows how to take apart the headlamp on a truck. However, a boy named Shane chose to say something indicative of a misogynistic and immature mindset. Here is how his unhelpful comment went, along with its replies:

Note Shane's use of a "you statement" (for some info on that type of abuse-speak, see here: "You Statements") where he presumes to know what Elmira's intent is ("...you just want to be told instead of learning yourself"). A flag of immaturity glows red right there.

Shane's wording comes across as suggesting that it is somehow wrong to be "told" something, and that if one is TOLD, one isn't actually learning.

Hmm... doesn't learning often involve being told something? It looks like poor Shane hasn't yet learned how to use the word "woman" when referring to one woman, rather than "women", which is the plural form of woman, so using his logic, he should be looking that up on Youtube before writing a comment in a Facebook group.

I see Master Shane has also yet to discover the use of "too" in a sentence, but rather falls into the childish misuse of "to" when he writes "to lazy".

Assuming he meant "too lazy" and he has been too lazy to Youtube for help on correct word usage, I wonder what he considers to be research that isn't so lax... something less lazy and more strenuous, such as studying auto mechanics at a trade school for several weeks or even months, followed by undergoing an apprenticeship. Or better yet, rewinding time so one can go back and be tutored in person by another mechanic, perhaps their dad, an older relative, or a friend. That ought to qualify a person as non-lazy!

Oh, wait... Youtube is the final authority. That's what a "regular person" uses when needing answers. One must not interact on Facebook with questions when one is in a group for a common interest, unless one is completely knowledgeable in all aspects of that subject. If anyone with lesser knowledge dares to ask a question, if one thinks like Shane, it will be assumed that the questioner is either:

A. Stupid
B. Unschooled in the existence and use of Youtube
C. A woman


Sarcastically: Let's all be like Shane. He's REGULAR because he uses Youtube. Maybe he also eats extra oatmeal to keep that regularity flowing.

Kyle might be regular, too, as he is jumping on in support of Shane, although I see Kyle hasn't Youtubed to find out he should have used the word "themselves" and not split it into "them selves" like that.

All that aside, what Elmira did not mention (trust me here - I have it on good authority) is that she actually did look videos up on Youtube, a few of them, prior to even taking the first screw out. She learned how many screws and bolts there were supposed to be and their approximate location by watching those videos, and by watching the video she included in her post, you would see and hear as she pointed to the parts she already removed. 

If one would have watched Elmira's video and heard her narration, one might guess she made not a bad random guess for a woman with such low mechanical skills that she'd go to a group on Facebook to inquire for help. Or maybe she really did learn something from Youtube already.

I failed in my screen-shooting there. I will have to do some research on how to do it properly. Perhaps The Shane School Of Everything You Need To Know About Everything can help me. For now, here is the rest of that comment after I hit the "see more" part.

Bret is an admin in that group. He was responding to another post Elmira had put up, wherein she requested that an admin contact her. Here:

I see Bret and Elmira differ concerning what constitutes wrong.

When Elmira pointed out the rules from the group's pinned post, a few moments later that little conversation disappeared. One can surmise on the reasons behind why an admin chose to delete that thread, but I won't presume to read their lives.

I had already saved a screenshot, though, thinking this topic might make an interesting blog entry.

In case those rules show up as small and blurry for the reader, here is a zoomed-in version:

If anyone is secretly searching the internet for answers on how to treat others, because the Almighty Youtube was unable to fully educate you, and you've landed on this blog entry, I offer these words, which "Thumper" (along with most moms, myself included) quoted from someone else in Disney's Bambi:

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Failing that, and you really want to rant, set yourself up with a blog and do what I just did by writing this. But please, respect the dignity of others by not using their full or real names, no matter how nauseatingly adolescent their communication may be.

Getting along with your neighbour is not rocket science. It can be done without a university degree or certificate from college or trade school. Heck, you don't even have to Youtube it, although you can if that makes you feel better.

It starts with whoever you call "me", and that goes for all of us. Are you willing to get along? I am.

Here, I'll throw in a quick link to a song on the world's premier source of education - Youtube - that will spell it out for you:

("Get Along", by Kenny Chesney)

EDITED TO ADD: I hadn't thought of this while writing the article, because it was not the point of the thing I witnessed. However, someone brought it to my attention that it could have been the other way around, and a woman might have been dissing a man. Yes. It could have been, perhaps in a different forum on another topic, but in this instance, I was only writing about this one experience. Had it been the other way around, and had I seen a woman demonstrating misandry to a man, I would have been disgusted by her, probably would have reported her to the admins (like I did in the case of Elmira's offender), and may well have also written a blog entry in defense of the man, from my perspective. NO abuse of another human being is acceptable.

Encouragement For Writing

The following is a comment written to me by my friend Chad in response to one of my blog posts (this one: Giving Up On Writing) . I found it so encouraging that I decided to put it in a document, highlighting a few points in Amazinga font, with the rest in Adobe Garamond Pro font, and to print it out and put it on my desk, so I can refer to it until it becomes ingrained. I also wanted to share it with others who might happen to find my blog. May it bless you as it has me.

"I felt like encouraging you to write at your leisure, and don’t let anybody dictate rules about that – not even you.

I’d suggest sitting down to write as often as you get the time, but notice that all I said was sit down to write – I didn’t say actually write necessarily, nor create an obligation to write and then feel lousy if nothing happens.

I’ve received that same advice (with more detail) and it’s the closest thing I’ve done to being something enjoyable and productive. Notice again, that I didn’t say it was enjoyable and productive – just the closest thing to it that I’ve tried.

It’s enjoyable more often than not, though.

It’s also enjoyable more often than it’s productive, and that’s an important piece to ponder, should you desire to do so.

One hint I can give you is that when I sit down at my desk, I’m not creating a law to follow; about accomplishment of any kind. I’ve learned that that never is a positive experience and rarely if ever produces anything, positive or not.

But what I do, instead, is first, enjoy a tiny little pocket of order – or quiet, as it’s commonly known. It usually takes a while for my brain to reach a state that I can call quiet. But when it does I just give myself license to enjoy it.

With God.

Praying and writing are not things I separate very often.

Then I just decide that I’ll write or I won’t.

I ask God, but I don’t strain.

I just enjoy a moment with Him, and I let it go where it goes, and if I happen upon some part of that time that maybe could be written down, then I start.

Without expectations.

That’s the important part.

Peace is vital to the process, therefore laws and expectations are antithetical to it.

Since you do have a specific project in mind, maybe you can still just write whatever comes to you, and stay loose, and maybe you wander into your project, or maybe what you write spontaneously turns out to form an unexpected element of the main project? Or maybe it jars a memory loose that’s relevant to it, or maybe it inspires something unexpected… who knows? Not us, so why form expectations? It ruins the enjoyment, and it stifles creativity. It may never have anything to do with the book you’ve planned, but it may stand on its own as something you and others value for decades to come, and yet more, it may form the basis of a main project that you hadn’t previously even considered. But there’s only one way to find out what it’s going to be….

Prayer for me is a great way to enter the writing process, and writing is a great way to enjoy God. So I combine them, and I trust Him to lead the proceedings. And when I approach it that way, it’s much more peaceful and much more enjoyable, and more often fruitful – and in more than just one way. And if something is not enjoyable, and there’s no gun to your head, it’s not worth doing – in large part because the fruit (product) won’t be as good as it will be if it were an immersive, transporting experience for you, to create it.

Well, that’s my opinion, anyway.

Maybe you’re already doing this but lack the time to engage in such pronounced dissociation, or maybe you’re a different enough personality type that it’s not your thing (although I highly doubt that, from knowing you to whatever extent I do!).

Maybe, however, there’s some use you can make of something or other I’ve said – that’s what I hope, anyway – but either way, I pray you find time, inspiration, and most of all, enjoyment, in the desire and effort to produce, and in the process itself.

Can’t go wrong if ya pray for someone, no matter the quality of your advice! ☺

PS I apologize for the disjointedness and rambling, but I didn’t prepare and I didn’t edit. I rarely do in contexts like this – though folks may occasionally wish I had done! ?"

Biggest takeaway for me is this:

"Peace is vital to the process".

Amen, so much amen, and aaaaaaaaamen! Yo!

My First Apple Roses

This is not a recipe, so relax. If you want the recipe, here's the video: Apple Roses

This is my experience with making apple roses for the first time. The video I saw made it look so easy. It failed to warn that Grannysmith apples don't work well for this, though.

My 18-year-old daughter helped me. Here is her first attempt at rolling one:

In the background, you're seeing the strips of Tenderflake puff pastry dough we rolled out, with E.D. Smith's apricot/peach/passion fruit jam thinned with water spread on it. Right behind that failed apple rose is my first rose waiting to be rolled up.

There's my daughter's first attempt. The one to the right of it is MY first attempt, so I can't laugh too hard. Then there's my second attempt, on the front left. Beauty, eh!

And now, here is that beauty when it's cooked.

There is no point suffering through using stiff Grannysmith apples, as the end result isn't as pretty as when one uses apples with red skin, such as the Red Delicious recommended in the recipe.

So, we next sliced up a red apple, and it worked much better. The apples went properly tender when microwaving them in lemon and water, so they were able to curve easily when being rolled up in the strip of pastry dough.

Now, that's more rose-like. Next time, I will use Red Delicious and see how the petals look.

I was in exceedingly vocal awe when I took them out of the oven and saw how they turned out. Not bad for a first attempt.

"Oh, Mama! Let me get in on the pictures!" saith my youngest daughter.

I looked up a recipe on how to make puff pastry, but for the amount of work involved, and the cost of ingredients, I deem it worthwhile to buy Tenderflake again. And I do plan on making these puppies again, perhaps as a Christmas treat.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, they were drop-dead delicious, with the amazing texture of puff pastry layers almost melting in the mouth, the slightly gooey fruit paste, and the tartness of the apples.

If you want to make them yourself, again, here is the video recipe, or for a printable version, do a search online for "apple roses": Apple Roses video tutorial

A Facebook Convo With A Smart Friend

It has been a long while since I have posted anything in my blog, and even more of a while since I posted some banter sessions. Sometimes I just want to share the banters because I think they should be seen beyond the original audience, which is limited to those on the friend list of whoever it was who hosted the discussion on their Facebook wall.

Here is one that might interest those who like to read more than a paragraph or two of writing, between a Smart Friend (not to be confused with Smart Cars or Smart Phones, and not to diminish the smartness of any of my other friends who are not being quoted here, for I do have a lot of smart friends, but I needed to give this one a pseudonym) and me. I have known this Smart Person for several years and we have had enough interesting conversations to form a book, but this one will do for today. And I do have his permission to publish this here.

My Smart Friend's Facebook status said this:

I love science. I love research articles. I don't believe half of what I see claimed and headlined in popular articles -- especially on the Internet.

For good reason: Less than half of it is verifiable.

Try expressing such skepticism on Facebook. You will get passionate, even hostile, responses from those who have no idea how the research was conducted, and have read no more than a headline.

Yeah. People are that shallow in their impassioned beliefs -- that easily misled. I don't want to be. 

I am, therefore, thrilled to see yet another article taking on popular scientific notions in a non-political way. Of course, this applies to politically-charged science headlines as well.

Case in point -- near to my heart...

A few years ago, I was attending a multi-week seminar on a personality disorder which I was studying because someone I loved suffered from it. There was not even a diagnosis for it back when I studied psychology.

The seminar was run by psychologists who specialized in that disorder; yet, THERE WAS NO TREATMENT -- NO CURE. So, they relied on traditional "talk-therapy" to assist their patients in minimizing their symptoms, mostly by helping the patients become more aware of them. 

The results had only short-term results, and these professionals knew it. I admired them. They looked on the suffering and specialized in simply "being there" for their (often hostile) patients they knew could not be cured. 

To my surprise, they "hot-boxed" me after class one night. Asked me to consider going back to college for a semester or two and adding to my own professional degree to specialize in their work with them -- because of my significant experience in dealing with persons so suffering.

I said, "No" -- because I did not think I could last in a field when not even *I* had hope for a patient.

A few months ago, I saw a journal article indicating that that disorder now had a treatment -- with dramatic positive results! I was overjoyed! 

I was looking through local college catalogs for classes in that technique -- useful in treating many disorders, not just the one I had studied; and considering my budget for tuition.

It turns out, the headline and article had no, (zero, zilch, nada) substance. That was an expensive career move I was contemplating -- and for reasons which engaged all my passions. It turns out that the research was entirely subjective, and of such duration that no claims for "cure" could possibly be reasonable.

But you have to know how research is done, and know the subject well enough to even know when to be skeptical. I was, so I kept digging -- even though I hated the answer I ended up having to admit.

Still, just in writing this... I realize my passions remain stirred, and even if I cannot cure, maybe...

Anyway, a central point from the article:

"But the point is that a single finding should never be taken as evidence, full-stop, of a given phenomenon — especially findings that make us smile or nod. 

"Everyone is falling into that trap too often. There are reasons other than scientific worthwhileness that some studies find their way into our Facebook feeds, while others languish in obscurity or are never published at all. "

http://nymag.com/…/many-psychology-research-findings-may-be…#

----------
My response:

Chirp....

Just kidding.

I read it. Good to see so many paragraphs on something about which you are passionate, even if you don't name the condition.

(I said "chirp" because we have this joke about writing things and not getting much, if any, response, other than crickets chirping.)

----------
His next comment:

And you lead to an important point!

If I have a friend who believes (as a made-up example) that giving up drinking coffee and instead drinking a quart of mango juice every morning will cure his cancer -- then I am not crying "Bunk!"

They need the hope, and it is not for me to take it away.

Besides, placebo effect is useful -- just thinking something will work can have some (limited) benefit-- but it won't cure cancer.

Yet, when I see that friend cancel radiation and/or chemotherapy treatments and throw out their coffee pot to make counter-space for the case of cranberry juice-- I get upset.

---

For those reasons, I won't mention the disorder, but the treatment -- which HAS shown effective for MANY other disorders -- may still be valid. First it was CBT, then it was DBT, but neither is showing any lasting value to the patient.

Frankly, the lack of lasting results makes sense to me, but I did hope it would be otherwise.

For another too-common disorder, I have been reading and hearing about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) -- but it just smacks of charlatan-ism to me -- yet some swear by it. I have read no compelling evidence.

Then there is LSD, MDMA, and psilocybin as potential *cures* for a common disorder -- when used clinically; yet studies are all but prohibited because of public fears of recreational uses.

The list of headlined promises based upon doubtful research is almost endless, (and that includes horses -- Yes, just being around horses). Pah-lease!

I am not sure if it is merely a desire to get noticed, and maybe to receive funding, or if it is the combined desperation of the therapists and patients to do SOMETHING.

But, for goodness sake, let's stick to the facts.

Because, leeches. ;)

----------

He added this next:

And with that said, I am off to another round of Physical Therapy where a blonde lady of about a hundred pounds will pounce on my shoulders to help heal my back.

[Sigh].

I feel like the only lab rat in a study.

(Back story: In a previous day's post, he told of an unconventional physiotherapy treatment he was receiving. Actually, just a sec... I'll post that conversation at the end of this one.) 

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My next comment:

Indeed! What works for some, or even one, doesn't necessarily work for others.

Because, Pfizer.

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His next comment:

That was the PERFECT response! 

----------

I then went on to have another comment that ended with a short paragraph that said: 

"Because, black momba."

But I won't print that here on my blog because I don't want to offend the person to whom I was covertly referring, who my Smart Friend knows via my stories, and about whom we have had some stress-relieving laughs behind the scenes. However, if you are curious about it, please email me and I may or may not fill you in.

------------------------------

OK, as promised, here is not only the back story (no pun intended - you'll see what I mean) on the unconventional physiotherapy my Smart Friend is receiving, but also you get to find out a bit on the subject of crickets chirping.

An unusual afternoon. I just had my first Physical Therapy session for my sprained back this afternoon.

The kind, young, physical therapist could not have weighed even 100 lbs. Since I keep re-injuring it, I am a bit protective of my back, and not keen on being touched; but her slight size was hardly intimidating.

So, near the end, as I am beginning to trust her, she had me lie down, hold a position with my arms crossed and my tightly holding my own shoulders, and then asked me to close my eyes.

Close my eyes? Hmm.

The reason was so that I would not know (and therefore, not brace for it) that she was going to have to propel herself, in a standing leap, up over the table so that her entire mass could drop on me and force my back to do as she intended. 

It worked. A relaxing crackling sound cascaded from between my shoulder blades and down my spine. We both laughed at the sound-- and my surprise.

Very different, but I was reminded of a less intensive massage...

A joke shared between us back when I was married-- the one receiving a back and shoulder massage, at some point, would drowsily say, "I'll give you twenty minutes to stop that. Thirty minutes, tops." That joke just never got old. :) 

I don't think I would have enjoyed twenty minutes of what I got today. But I would pay money to have someone bear-hug me from behind, as she did, and lift my torso slightly from under my arms.

That was the best thirty seconds of my day.

A muscle relaxer, chased down with a beer, while chatting with a friend at a pub afterwards wasn't too shabby, either.

Next challenge: Since I always sleep flat on my back, I am under orders to sleep with a pillow under my knees to relieve the natural curve. I bet that pillow is kicked to the floor within five minutes of falling asleep. But, I'll give it a try.

Does anybody on the planet sleep that way? Sigh. 

I never understood how people sleep on their sides-- or for that matter, find sitting in chairs more comfortable than sitting cross-legged on the floor.

You Earthlings are weird.

----------

He then went on to do what he often does in his Facebook posts - he included an unrelated image, designed to draw people in to read, since it seems that photos get more attention on Facebook than prose.

I forgot to add an unrelated image. Here you go.

(Here, he posted a black and white photo of some big old ship.)

----------

I responded with this:

I respond with another unrelated image. I call him BeeFish.

Thank you for sharing yet another story to cause me to smile. I wish I could post stories about random daily events, but I hold back because I dread the crickets chirping.

(Here, I posted a picture of a toy plush fish that is yellow and black striped.)

----------

His response was this:

They do chirp! My images get about five or six times the likes and comments as my writing.

When someone posts an hour-long YouTube I am interested in, I often look for a transcript-- because it is faster for me to digest than watching a video.

I prefer reading-- and prefer paragraphs at a minimum. Call me weird, but I find complete thoughts to be engaging.

That is just more evidence that I am from another planet. :)

I would have called it BumbleFish, but BeeFish looks well used and well loved.

Thanks for tuning in, my friend.

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A comment of mine:

"I prefer reading-- and prefer paragraphs at a minimum. Call me weird, but I find complete thoughts to be engaging."

I totally relate. We might be from the same planet.

------------------------------

In case you are eager to read more from my Smart Friend, here is one last bit with which I will leave you:

In a recent Facebook status, he posted a link for this article:

http://jonathanshedler.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Shedler-2015-Where-is-the-evidence-for-evidence-based-therapy-R.pdf?utm_campaign=Clinical%20Department&utm_content=18135386&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook

And his comment beneath the article was this:

It is important for both patients and therapists.

Weekly, I read of a new therapy being heralded as the way to health.

I minored in statistics, my post-grad is in a field of psychology, I'm a Carl Jung fan, and I have continued my professional studies for twenty-five years -- so this hits the spot.

I am dubious of some therapies considered "Evidence Based." I am seeing them on Facebook as well as Psychology forums I read.

I believe my words concerning one such (very popular) claim last week was "On what planet and in what reality?" because I find the premise to be absurd.

A psycho-therapy based on acupuncture? Really? Or how you move your eyes while recalling an extreme trauma?

I'm seeing the VA approving stuff like this for PTSD patients -- and it looks like desperation -- science be damned.

Sugar-pills are cheaper -- and easier for the patient to dismiss as ineffective -- so that they continue the hard work that really does help.

Again and again, when I dig into one, I keep finding that the fad-of the-week has zero benefit without talk-based therapy and suspect they add nothing to that more common therapy beyond placebo.

So here is a man asking and answering some of the very questions I am asking --and anyone who stresses "footnotes" in analyzing research is someone who understands how it is done.

This is especially important in media reporting, when we know (or ought to know) that the reporter has no formal background in the subject -- and does not really care.

Or worse, YouTube videos and self-help books.

I want to help people. Charlatans want to make money pretending to help people. If I give advice, it is my job to know whether it is sound advice.

In a perfect world, someone in need of treatment ought to have access to data regarding effectiveness so they participate in the choice of a therapy that really can help.

This article is a primer in how to research a treatment or therapy.

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My comment:

As for this:

"A psycho-therapy based on acupuncture? Really? Or how you move your eyes while recalling an extreme trauma?"

Well, I just want to say that although EMDR - (I'm guessing this is the therapy of which you speak that involves eye movement while recalling trauma?) - helped me deal with some of my most painful trauma memories, I am not sure that my understanding of why it worked for me would be scientific: What struck me while I was in EMDR therapy sessions was that while focusing on the traumas, I actually came up with some of my own solutions, some of them seemingly simple, as in "Why did I not think of that before?" kinds of things.

But, of course, EMDR may or may not help others. (Refer back to my "Because, Pfizer" comment in our earlier conversation!)

------------------------------

I will close with the sound of crickets (not to be confused with Buddy Holly and the Crickets, nor with the British game of Cricket), for all the people who are not reading this blog entry.

My Views on "Doing Church"

I love Jesus. I really do, ever since I came to believe in Him when I was 20 years old. I am ever grateful for what He did for me at Calvary. So don’t get me wrong when I say this: sitting “in church” and listening to someone speak a monologue is very hard for me. I tune out, I lose track, I get distracted, I get tired, I get frustrated, I write random notes that have nothing to do with what the speaker is saying, and I long to share my thoughts and to ask questions as one would do in dialogue.

It has bothered me for years that the way of modern “church” is to have one person stand up and give their speech for often upwards of an hour. From my own reading of the Bible, that doesn’t sit right with me. But I “go to church” sometimes anyway, to see some of the people I love.

Yesterday, I went to church. And I got to thinking, as I often do, about the way modern-day "church" is “done”. I wondered if anyone else has these thoughts, and so I googled. And I found this article, which says a lot about how I feel. I also provided some points of which I’d not thought, and into which I want to look further.

More I could say, but I will share the link, in case anyone would like to read it. I hope there are others who feel this way.

Where Did The Christian Sermon Come From?

And here is another link along the same line:

Problems and Limitations of the Traditional “Sermon” Concept

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Steaming Hot Cup Of Coffee

Oooh, nice!

Just wanted to test if GIF images work in here.  :)

My Blog Had A Stalker and So It Had To Change

Just a quick blog entry to apologize to those who have been inconvenienced by my changes to the blog.

There was someone who had been stalking someone close to me, and now they had turned their attention to stalking me, too.  It was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt who the stalker was, and now, in an attempt to protect myself, I have set this blog to be viewable by only those who have an invite.

My apologies for any inconvenience this has caused.

I hope to do more writing in here someday, for those who enjoy reading it, and for my own sanity.

Proper Use Of Personal Pronoun "I"

I think there are a lot of people afraid of me.

I mean, the word "me" - not me personally.

It is okay to use the word "me", folks.

I cringe when I see misuse of the personal pronoun "I".

I often see examples of what NOT to do in captions under photos on Facebook, such as:

"Sally and I at Disneyland"

"Mom and Dad at John and I's Wedding"

"Baby Boy with Daddy and I"

"Hilda gave these flowers to Suzy and I"

Perhaps as a child, when you said, "Doug and me are going to the store," you were corrected by some well-meaning person, "You mean, 'Doug and I are going to the store," so you assumed that every time you say "me" you should replace it with "I", regardless of where it falls in the sentence.

An easy test to see if you're using your words properly is to ask yourself, "Does this sentence still make sense if I remove the other person?"

This even works in phrases that are not actual sentences, such as photo captions.  Watch this:

"Sally and I at Disneyland".

Remove Sally from the picture and see if it still makes sense.

"I at Disneyland".

Um, no.  Sounds dumb.

The phrase "Me at Disneyland" sounds better, albeit a little Captain Caveman-ish, but it's just a caption and not an actual sentence so you can get away with it that way.

"Mom and Dad at John and I's Wedding".

That is not the easiest thing to caption, but I would do it like this:

"Mom and Dad at John's and my wedding."


In short:

1.  Ask yourself if the sentence or phrase still makes sense without mention of the other person.

2.  When dealing with more than one person and yourself, mention the other(s) first.

3.  Never end a sentence with "I". 

Captain Caveman.

Dig my writing?  More can be found in the right hand sidebar.  Here are a few quick picks:

• The NEED To Communicate (brief rambling on my love for writing)
• The Risk Of Friendship
• Are You Highly Sensitive?

What Have They DONE To Gmail Chat???

Today I noticed that Gmail Chat has changed horribly.  I can no longer look up a specific chat and see the conversation with one transmit after the other.  It shows every comment in an individual "document" or whatever, so I can't read it without having to click on the next post.

Does anyone have any idea how to fix this?  It is horrible and useless as far as keeping a record this way.  I am going to have to start using Yahoo Messenger until a solution is found.

A Beautiful Mind

I had the most amazing dream last night.  Well, it was amazing to ME.

I dreamed that I was in a place of business on Tyee Road in Point Roberts, Washington.  It was a small building in which I had never been before and which probably doesn't exist outside the dream.  In retrospect, it might have been a small art gallery.

On the wall above a table were large posters like horizontal navigation maps.  They had symbols on them that seemed to make no sense.

I announced to the people around me, "Hey, I can see the patterns in those posters just like the guy in the movie A Beautiful Mind!"

Some people tried to see what I was seeing.  Others just kinda looked at me sideways like "Uh...okaaay...whatever."

If I looked at the poster as a whole, I couldn't see the pattern.  When I looked with my eyes narrowed and my head tilted back a bit, the shapes in the patterns showed themselves in 3D whereas the rest of the images remained 2D.

There might be some meaning in this, or it might just be random disconnected thoughts.

If there is a meaning, I'm going to venture a guess that it is to say if you haven't been there, you really have no idea how or why the person who experienced what they lived has impacted them.  Furthermore, looking at what you see in total cannot be understood until you see each fine detail, and see them in their proper order.

(I originally published this in facebook Notes on February 11, 2011.)

More of my writing can be found in the archives in the right hand column of this blog.  Here are a few random picks:

• My First Attempt At Making A Sign
• They Who Feel Too Much
• Un-Understood
• Is Posting Pictures Vanity?